I'm Not Leading You On..Am I?

Look, please let me just get this out there. I don't have any intentions of leading a guy on. I think it is mean to fool around with someone that has true feelings for you. I wouldn't want to pursue some guy, to find out at the end all he wanted was my "friendship" although he knew my intentions. If you are afraid of hurting the others feelings, just drop a few hints and make it obvious that the feeling isn't mutual. But this is where I stop my rant. I need to get to get this off my chest and admit, that I am a complete hypocrite! I need to be honest and say, I hate rejecting people with a passion. I don't like seeing someone get hurt, and worst of all what I hate most about dropping the bomb on a guy is losing their friendship.

Until about a year ago is when I told the first guy "I just wanted to be friends". It was a Friday night and my best friend and I were hanging out, watching movies, and stuffing our faces, when all a sudden I get this text from one of my really good guy friends. He explains that he has had feelings for me for the longest time, and would hope if we could take our relationship to a deeper level. Honestly, I wasn't too shocked that he had a thing for me. But what bummed me out was how amazing our friendship was. I had met him a few months ago, and we just hit off from there. I'm about to throw my phone under my bed, while my friend who is reading over my shoulder grabs the phone  from my hand and asks me if I'm crazy. I told her, "yes, on occasion sometimes I like to think that I am".. but she just rolls her eyes and says "Hannah you will only make the situation worse. Blah, blah something about, ignoring it wouldn't be the right thing to do, and will only hurt him more than telling the truth. I knew she was right, but I was just too scared to tell him. After giving me too many logical reasonings, I decided to tell him the news. Hahha, seriously...worst thing I could have done. Not only did I lose one of my best friends, but he stopped talking to me for a good two years.

After this messy situation, I just went with making it obvious that I wasn't interested in someone romantically instead of telling them the truth. Yet, I would always hear from many that honesty is the best policy and all this will come to bite you back. Oh yes, and as you can guess it has...but even worse. But let me just mention something, when I'm talking to a guy it's the same way I'm talking to my other friends. I've been told my friendliness has been mistaken for flirtiness. Yes, I am compassionate, affectionate, friendly, and a shoulder to lean on but this goes for anyone of my friends....and let me throw this out there....even perhaps a random stranger. Okay, I've also been told that those characteristics can send mixed signals. Any who...

There is one guy, lets call him "Roger", seriously that's how paranoid I am of people I know reading my blog. But Roger and I have been great friends since our freshman year of high school. He has always had a crush on me, but never pursued it. He went out with a few girls, and after all his breakups I was there for him helping him get through it. We became closer, and all of a sudden he realized that what we had was beyond a friendship. I actually didn't understand what he meant, but enjoyed being his good friend. He claimed I was a challenge he would pursue, and I would always say he was crazy and should just stop. To make the story shorter, Roger won't stop. I actually considered going out with him once but changed my mind. Now that we go to different colleges I thought it would end, This all sounds terrible, and I feel like I let it get out of hand, now I have to tell him the truth. Although, I know this move will hurt him, I really don't think he'll understand how upset I will be over our friendship.

P.S
I don't know guys, do I sound like a wuss who needs to man UP?
I think I just contradicted myself.
And seriously this post should be updated because I recently just got myself into a really sticky situation.....

Ridiculousness

The title says it all, but thought I would share a few recent laughs.

I think I have a problem, that is with ice cream, especially Ben n' Jerry's. I love their variety of flavors and how they never fail to disappoint my taste buds. I pretend like I don't keep count, but I'll just come clean and admit that I just tried my 50th flavor. There are about 110 flavors and new ones being invented, so while I am almost halfway through, let's take into account how times I like to eat my favorite flavors...per month. Let's celebrate "Late Night Snack", which has potato chips in it....Ridiculousness.

Don't trust cute little dogs. I love you Maxi but my leggings are shredded to pieces, and my calves have been sore for over a week, because you dragged me through the neighborhood at full speed chasing a non existent squirrel.

On Saturday Night I went out to get a few groceries. Standing in the dairy section, I was running the ingredients for my dad's birthday cheesecake through my head when I notice some guy standing in front of my shopping cart. He makes his way over to me, and says "Wow, I've never seen someone with such an organized shopping cart, the breads are stacked neatly, and all the fruits are arranged by size". Me: "Hahhha, I didn't even notice that". Guy: " I'm David, so do you go to school around here?" I was thinking he was a semi normal guy, and literally had to pinch myself from laughing hysterically over the shopping cart line...but no it just went all downhill from there.

I felt as if I was on some type of interview, after telling him my name it was question after question...literally. "Where do you go to school? What do you major in? What are your hobbies, goals in life, and what do you look for in a guy. Now, these questions are all fine, but don't you think it would be nice to let me answer. But really made the atmosphere weird was when he asked me my age. David claimed he may be a bit mature for me, but these situations always worked out well in the long run. I asked him what he meant and he responded, "You know, like with marriage". I felt like an idiot, because the whole time I wondered why he kept rushing through the questions as if he was checking off a checklist.

Pshhh, I'm only 18 and don't plan to get married for awhile. This was Ridiculousness.

College so far

It wasn't until one of my friends asked how many units I was taking and looked at me with a crazed expression that I realized...I really did take on a full load. I don't know why it hit me then, considering I received that same look from many others. Perhaps its because it is the 7th week and I have to study even more than I already am to do well on my midterms. But no, I will not complain about school and how difficult my French class is, or that the material we are covering in physical geography is truly aggravating. Instead I will make remarks on the things I have found interesting. First off, I have been getting approached by the most random people which I would normally love because I literally laugh at everything and enjoy conversing with others on any given subject. But, it hasn't been like this lately. If you know me, one of my biggest pet peeves is Big Egos...from anyone. I appreciate those with confidence, and the occasional bragging, but others take it too far.

I was at the computer lab one day studying for an upcoming exam when the guy next to me turns around and asks me, "do you know anything about the weather in California?".  I was trying so hard not to laugh in his face and managed to muster out, "it's quite spontaneous but I love it". He then looked me twice over and decided he should tell me that we had 14 climatic zones. I was actually interested in what he was talking about and remained engaged in "his conversation". At this point we exchanged introductions, talked about our majors and what we hoped in the future. In my head I was thinking he's a pretty cool guy that is until, "Sam" pulls his syllabus, resume, and personal websites, explaining to me that he was totally different from other guys. I told him he probably was especially with the major he was going into.But then "Sam" looked me straight in the eye and told me flat out I didn't understand, "a guy like him takes difficult courses, sails through his classes, and gets anything he wants". You know, my understanding self was like "oh that determination is awesome, I love it.

But then "Sam" goes on for twenty minutes about his greatest achievements and by the end which I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep; he suggestively asks, "If we could talk about weather sometime?". Okay, I admit I laughed which to my horror probably came out as some sort of flirty giggle. But "Sam" took it as a go sign. He then proceeded to write down his contact info in MY notebook, formulate some sort of weird wink (which btw made me laugh harder), then as he was leaving said "Oh Hannah, you will most definitely need to hit me up, because I might be your best chance of a real guy around here". So as you can tell I was literally shaking of laughter not knowing what to do with myself. But then I realized oh no, omg, "Sam" could be right...not that I was interested in him but guys like him may be my only hope. Ahhhhaa totally just kidding.

Oh man, I really hope I am.......

I do realize I mentioned that there were many things I have found interesting in college, but as you can see this story took up a whole post so I'll just save the rest for later.

Side note: Wow, I still haven't posted about my excursions in Europe. Yeah I'll get to that sometime soon, like when midterms aren't killing me and I get more than 3 hours of sleep :)

à bientôt!!!

I'm a Sucker for a Smile

Sheesh I really am. You could be the meanest person, give me bad vibes, and ignore my existence, but if you just so flash the smallest of smiles all the negativity will melt away. The other day I saw one of my "enemeies", to sum it up we had a love/hate (extreme hate) relationship in which we we really liked one another then came to detest each other's presence. I never quite understood what we had nor do I really want to...but anyways before I get off topic. I happened to see him skateboarding down the street and pretend i didn't see him, when all of a sudden he stops his board and starts walking towards me.

Let's get this straight we hated each other to the point we would scream obscenities at one another in school and make a huge scene. So you can understand that why I started hyperventilating and wondering if he was going to flip me off or something. I was about to turn away when he walks up and stops directly in front of me, he looks me into the eye, and I close mine counting slowly to five before opening them. When I do, I feel myself sucking in a breath. Who did he think he was for looking at me with those pretty green eyes, grinning ear to ear with that darn dimple I always liked. Grrrr!!!!!!! Not only was I going crazy because we ignored each other for three years straight he took a step closer, said sorry and hugged me. Yup, I just stood there  like an idiot wondering what was going on. I'm sorry to say my acting skills didn't work for me at this point because any words running through my head failed to be spoken. So he grabs my hand laughs and says "I know Hannah, I know" and just freaking hugs me for five minutes.Overall I guess I am a sucker for smiles, because I definitely would have never let him.....never mind.