I'm Not Leading You On..Am I?

Look, please let me just get this out there. I don't have any intentions of leading a guy on. I think it is mean to fool around with someone that has true feelings for you. I wouldn't want to pursue some guy, to find out at the end all he wanted was my "friendship" although he knew my intentions. If you are afraid of hurting the others feelings, just drop a few hints and make it obvious that the feeling isn't mutual. But this is where I stop my rant. I need to get to get this off my chest and admit, that I am a complete hypocrite! I need to be honest and say, I hate rejecting people with a passion. I don't like seeing someone get hurt, and worst of all what I hate most about dropping the bomb on a guy is losing their friendship.

Until about a year ago is when I told the first guy "I just wanted to be friends". It was a Friday night and my best friend and I were hanging out, watching movies, and stuffing our faces, when all a sudden I get this text from one of my really good guy friends. He explains that he has had feelings for me for the longest time, and would hope if we could take our relationship to a deeper level. Honestly, I wasn't too shocked that he had a thing for me. But what bummed me out was how amazing our friendship was. I had met him a few months ago, and we just hit off from there. I'm about to throw my phone under my bed, while my friend who is reading over my shoulder grabs the phone  from my hand and asks me if I'm crazy. I told her, "yes, on occasion sometimes I like to think that I am".. but she just rolls her eyes and says "Hannah you will only make the situation worse. Blah, blah something about, ignoring it wouldn't be the right thing to do, and will only hurt him more than telling the truth. I knew she was right, but I was just too scared to tell him. After giving me too many logical reasonings, I decided to tell him the news. Hahha, seriously...worst thing I could have done. Not only did I lose one of my best friends, but he stopped talking to me for a good two years.

After this messy situation, I just went with making it obvious that I wasn't interested in someone romantically instead of telling them the truth. Yet, I would always hear from many that honesty is the best policy and all this will come to bite you back. Oh yes, and as you can guess it has...but even worse. But let me just mention something, when I'm talking to a guy it's the same way I'm talking to my other friends. I've been told my friendliness has been mistaken for flirtiness. Yes, I am compassionate, affectionate, friendly, and a shoulder to lean on but this goes for anyone of my friends....and let me throw this out there....even perhaps a random stranger. Okay, I've also been told that those characteristics can send mixed signals. Any who...

There is one guy, lets call him "Roger", seriously that's how paranoid I am of people I know reading my blog. But Roger and I have been great friends since our freshman year of high school. He has always had a crush on me, but never pursued it. He went out with a few girls, and after all his breakups I was there for him helping him get through it. We became closer, and all of a sudden he realized that what we had was beyond a friendship. I actually didn't understand what he meant, but enjoyed being his good friend. He claimed I was a challenge he would pursue, and I would always say he was crazy and should just stop. To make the story shorter, Roger won't stop. I actually considered going out with him once but changed my mind. Now that we go to different colleges I thought it would end, This all sounds terrible, and I feel like I let it get out of hand, now I have to tell him the truth. Although, I know this move will hurt him, I really don't think he'll understand how upset I will be over our friendship.

P.S
I don't know guys, do I sound like a wuss who needs to man UP?
I think I just contradicted myself.
And seriously this post should be updated because I recently just got myself into a really sticky situation.....

I'm a Sucker for a Smile

Sheesh I really am. You could be the meanest person, give me bad vibes, and ignore my existence, but if you just so flash the smallest of smiles all the negativity will melt away. The other day I saw one of my "enemeies", to sum it up we had a love/hate (extreme hate) relationship in which we we really liked one another then came to detest each other's presence. I never quite understood what we had nor do I really want to...but anyways before I get off topic. I happened to see him skateboarding down the street and pretend i didn't see him, when all of a sudden he stops his board and starts walking towards me.

Let's get this straight we hated each other to the point we would scream obscenities at one another in school and make a huge scene. So you can understand that why I started hyperventilating and wondering if he was going to flip me off or something. I was about to turn away when he walks up and stops directly in front of me, he looks me into the eye, and I close mine counting slowly to five before opening them. When I do, I feel myself sucking in a breath. Who did he think he was for looking at me with those pretty green eyes, grinning ear to ear with that darn dimple I always liked. Grrrr!!!!!!! Not only was I going crazy because we ignored each other for three years straight he took a step closer, said sorry and hugged me. Yup, I just stood there  like an idiot wondering what was going on. I'm sorry to say my acting skills didn't work for me at this point because any words running through my head failed to be spoken. So he grabs my hand laughs and says "I know Hannah, I know" and just freaking hugs me for five minutes.Overall I guess I am a sucker for smiles, because I definitely would have never let him.....never mind.