School and all the craziness of life started pulling me away from God. But recently, this has changed for the better. About three weeks ago on a Tuesday afternoon, I was loudly awakened to my phone blaring something in Korean. I pick up the phone and manage out a snarl when I hear a loud "HANNAH, Hannah OMG!". "What!", I screamed out miserably. It was my best friend on the other line, "I found a bible talk and it starts in an hour, so get your butt out of bed Ms. I have class at 5 pm, and sleep until the sun sets". "Hey", I said in defence, "I was up all night studying". But then I laughed and proceeded to leave my warm, plushy bed.
We arrived at school to see a bunch of kids sprawled on the grass with snacks and drinks in hand and bibles opened to the same page. From then on, the next two weeks became a blur. The lessons at bible talk never failed to amaze me. I can remember how we discussed Faith and deeds from the book of James. That you must carry out action even with your faith. And after bible talks we would meet up with with whoever invited out for a study. My first study was called "Seeking God" and everything just hit me hard. We discussed things such as truth, spirit, and my biggest problem, worry. I knew in my heart that it was worry and a lack of faith that pulled me away from God.
The next day my best friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria talking about what we learned in bible talk when suddenly I realized I had two papers to do. This triggered some sort of psychological domino effect because I started venting about everything else to the point of tears. I talked about how I was seeking so much to please my parents and teachers, lack of sleep, getting into uni, and so much more. My friend looked at me and just said, "Stop, Hannah, what you are doing to yourself isn't healthy. I can see it on your face every day. It's breaking your spirit, and your faith is deteriorating". What she said was harsh, but the complete truth. But when she exasperatedly told me to just trust in God, I thought she had gone crazy. Trust in God I thought, these are minor problems compared with what God has to deal with. I put all this craziness on myself so should just learn to deal with it. Although for the past few months my faith was as small as a mustard seed I realized that wasn't enough to get what I wanted from god-which was a relationship and ultimate trust in him. So after ten minutes of silence, and staring intently out the window with watery eyes....I surrendered and tried putting as much faith as I could into God.
This literally was the best decision I made, and although I still struggle from my old ways and habits I keep constantly reminding myself that God is with me. The kids we met at the bible talks are now really good friends of ours, and I'm amazed to say brought me closer to God. We have had various bible studies, go to church together, and hang out at each other's houses. And two days ago on December 18, I was baptized! I have been wanting to get baptized again-other than from when I was a baby for about six years. This time, I felt as if I was spiritually ready to make the commitment and I feel so blessed to have had the love, support, and encouragement from all my loved ones. But more importantly I am ready for this crazy, spirtual adventure God is going to take me on!