Saturday, August 3, 2013

Heartbroken yet Hopeful

I feel nostalgic, dazed and confused. I keep looking at the clock and almost always mentally convert the time. I stand by the window and wait for the sounds of local street chatter, clinking wine glasses and vespas whizzing by on the street. And the worst part is I wake up every morning craving a croissant! People, I am having some major France withdrawals here. I returned to the states a few days ago and the feeling has been nothing more than bittersweet. While I am happy to see my friends and family, deep inside my heart I wish I was back in Nice. The few weeks that I had there were the most amazing times of my life. I really lived, let go and grew within that short period of time. However, the feelings I have are not of the typical absence. This isn't like that long vacation I spent in the Philippines in which I left feeling heartbroken and disconnected from my family and friends. In fact, this feeling is worse. I KNOW I left something back there. It's crazy but I really, sincerely think and believe that I will end of living in France. I just can't shake off the feeling.

 It's pretty evident that I look like the despaired girl who is missing something important in her life. But aside the sadness  I am starting to have those fluttery feelings again. I'll try to explain it the best way I can.. First, the light bulb turns on in my head, then I get a huge rush of adrenaline, onto a crazy look in my eye and whatever plan or thought that was formed in my head must be executed. I swear ambition is like some sort of drug to me! I won't and can't stop until I reach my destination or something completely identical to it. So, while I miss France like a long lost lover I know that I'll be returning in the blink of an eye. I know that I'll be retuning to Europe next summer for an internship and interweaving France in those plans. While those few weeks in France next summer will be amazing, my biggest goal is to try to achieve an extended stay during the fall . I know what I have to do to get from point A---B-----------G and that is the only reason I came to the states not completely heartsick. I have to work my butt off and have been for the past two semesters to get to France next fall. Yet, if the plans don't completely align in that order I know that I will still end up in the land of of fromage and croissants, no doubt about it!!